In a world obsessed with self-promotion, where our social feeds are curated highlight reels and conversations often resemble performances, the advice “be interested, not interesting” cuts through with disarming simplicity. I first heard this from Andreas Weis (who heard it from former AFL Player Grant Thomas), and it struck me immediately – not as a throwaway line, but as a philosophy for how to show up in life, work, and relationships.
Being “interesting” is easy to chase. It’s about being noticed – having the best story, the boldest opinion, the cleverest insight. It’s the temptation to lead with what we know, rather than what we might learn. Yet, paradoxically, those who try hardest to appear interesting often come across as self-absorbed, disconnected, or exhausting to be around.
Being interested, on the other hand, is quieter. It’s active, intentional curiosity. It’s choosing to listen longer than you speak. It’s asking questions not to fill space, but to create it—for others to share, reveal, and grow.
When we shift from trying to be interesting to being interested, everything changes—our conversations, our leadership, even our sense of meaning.
The Ego Trap
We live in an age that rewards visibility. Personal brands, follower counts, and highlight reels reinforce the idea that being seen equals being valued. The result? We often enter interactions thinking: What can I say that will make me stand out?
But this mindset is exhausting – for us and for others. It traps us in performance mode, always curating, always proving. In meetings, we’re quick to jump in with our own story rather than genuinely engage with someone else’s. On social media, we’re compelled to post rather than pause. Even in friendships, we can fall into a subtle competition of who has the more “interesting” life.
The irony is that this self-focus doesn’t make us memorable. People rarely remember what we said; they remember how we made them feel. And few things make someone feel more valued than our genuine curiosity about them.
The Power of Curiosity
Being interested begins with humility – the willingness to admit we don’t have all the answers. It’s about seeing others not as audiences, but as teachers.
In leadership, curiosity is a superpower. The best leaders aren’t those who dominate the room with charisma; they’re the ones who draw out others’ ideas. They ask open-ended questions. They listen for what’s not being said. They make people feel heard, not managed.
This principle applies beyond work. In relationships, being interested deepens connection. When we ask thoughtful questions and pay attention to details – someone’s passions, fears, routines, or dreams – we signal that they matter. In turn, they open up more, trust more, and contribute more.
Curiosity is also the antidote to judgment. When we stay interested, we replace assumptions with empathy. Instead of reacting to someone’s behaviour, we become curious about the story behind it.
Presence Over Performance
To be interested is to be present. It means resisting the urge to multitask or mentally rehearse our next response while someone is speaking. It’s eye contact, pauses, and silence.
In workshops and classrooms, I often see the difference instantly. The “interesting” participants jump in with anecdotes or statistics to impress. The “interested” ones take notes, make connections, and later ask the question that shifts the entire conversation. One seeks attention; the other creates value.
Being interested doesn’t mean you suppress your own personality or achievements. It’s not self-erasure. Rather, it’s about balance – anchoring your confidence in curiosity. When you engage from a place of genuine interest, your authenticity shines through naturally. You don’t need to be interesting; you become it by default.
From Transaction to Transformation
We often approach conversations transactionally – What can I get? What can I share? What will they think of me? But when we’re interested, conversations become transformational.
Think about the people who’ve left a lasting impact on you. Chances are, they weren’t the loudest in the room. They were the ones who made you feel seen, who remembered your story, who asked the question that made you think differently.
Grant Thomas’s phrase reminds us that leadership, connection, and influence don’t come from self-promotion. They come from presence, curiosity, and care. In every interaction, we have a choice: perform or connect. The former might earn applause; the latter earns trust.
Practical Ways to Be Interested
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Ask better questions. Move beyond “How are you?” to “What’s been energising you lately?” or “What’s something you’ve learned this week?”
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Listen without agenda. Don’t listen to reply; listen to understand. Let silence work for you.
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Remember details. Follow up on something small someone mentioned—a book, a milestone, a challenge. It shows you were paying attention.
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Be curious about disagreement. When someone sees the world differently, ask why. Curiosity opens dialogue; defensiveness closes it.
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Stay humble. The more we learn, the more we realise how much we don’t know. That humility is magnetic.
The Lasting Impact
At its core, “be interested, not interesting” is a call to shift from impression to connection. It’s a mindset that transforms our relationships, teams, and even our sense of self. When we stop performing and start engaging, we not only build deeper trust with others – we rediscover our own capacity for empathy, learning, and growth.
In a noisy world full of voices competing to be heard, the quiet power of genuine interest stands out more than ever. As Grant Thomas’s simple phrase reminds us, it’s not about being the most fascinating person in the room – it’s about being the one who truly listens.
Because at the end of the day, people don’t remember how interesting you were. They remember how interested you were in them.