Dr. Kaushik Sridhar

How do you know someone’s true personality

Reading Time: 3 minutes

We’ve all been there: struck by someone’s charm or charisma, only to be left confused by a later display of coldness or selfishness. This disconnect between initial impression and true nature is a common human experience. So, how do we see past the carefully curated facade and glimpse the authentic person beneath? While there’s no foolproof method, here are some insights to help you navigate the complexities of human personality:

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Pay close attention to how someone behaves, not just what they say. People can craft a compelling narrative, but their actions ultimately reveal their core values and priorities. Do they consistently follow through on commitments? Are they kind and respectful, even to waitstaff or strangers? Observe how they spend their free time. Someone who prioritizes genuine connections might volunteer for a cause they care about, while someone who craves attention might prioritize social media over face-to-face interactions.

Watch How They Treat Others

A person’s interactions with those they perceive as “beneath them” are particularly revealing. Do they treat waitstaff, cashiers, or service people with courtesy? How do they speak about their exes or colleagues? Genuine kindness and consideration transcend social status and circumstance. On the other hand, negativity directed towards those with less power suggests a sense of entitlement or insecurity.

Observe Their Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to a person’s ability to manage their own emotions, understand the emotions of others, and use that knowledge to navigate relationships effectively. Someone with high EQ is self-aware, takes responsibility for their actions, and can communicate openly and honestly. They actively listen, validate others’ feelings, and approach disagreements with respect. Conversely, someone with low EQ might lash out when frustrated, struggle to apologize, or blame others for their problems.

Unmask the “Chameleon” Personality

Some people are adept at adapting their personality to different social situations. They may be charming with colleagues but dismissive towards family. Observe if their behavior is consistent across different settings and with different people. A genuine personality tends to be more well-rounded and consistent, with core values that shine through regardless of the situation.

Look for Consistency Over Time

Getting to know someone’s true personality takes time. Early interactions are often influenced by a desire to make a good impression. Pay attention to how someone behaves over weeks, months, or even years. Do their initial positive traits hold up under pressure? Do their negative tendencies become more pronounced over time? Consistency is key in revealing a person’s authentic self.

Beyond the Surface: Deep Conversations

While casual interactions offer valuable insights, deeper conversations can provide a window into someone’s values, fears, and dreams. Talk about their passions, what motivates them, and what their ideal future looks like. Listen attentively and pay attention not just to their words but also to their body language and emotional responses. These deeper interactions can foster a sense of connection and allow you to see the person behind the mask.

The Challenge of Stress and Change

Life throws curveballs, and how someone reacts to stress or unexpected situations can be very revealing. Do they crumble under pressure or rise to the occasion? Do they become selfish or prioritize the needs of others? While everyone reacts differently to challenges, observing their behavior during difficult times can offer valuable insights into their character.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

It’s important to be aware of your own biases when evaluating someone’s personality. Our own experiences and needs can influence how we perceive others. Reflect on your own values and what you seek in a friend or partner. Are you projecting your own desires onto someone, or are you seeing them clearly?

Ultimately, getting to know someone’s true personality is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to observe, listen, and learn. By paying close attention to actions, behaviors, and emotional responses, you can develop a deeper understanding of the person behind the facade. This knowledge empowers you to build stronger, more meaningful connections in all areas of your life.

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